So in this video I would know willing to share with you a standard for a fact of life coach and so we're
getting all the foundation's dime before we start looking at processes and techniques and question questions
that you can ask you ask your clients to really invoke healthy discussion and proactive thought it's
important we get a foundations done right.
Remember that idea the strength of the foundations that we lay is going to ultimately determine the
size and the scale of the building that we go on to construct.
I want to share with you a story if that's okay.
When I first got into coaching and helping modalities I read about a decade ago no I was being mentored
at the time I had a mentor called Jimmy no.
I would literally go to Jimmy once or twice a week any time and any concerns any thoughts.
It was quite dependency based relationship back then and I remember Jimmy really doing his best to sever
the dependency.
Try this as best assure me that I was okay standing on my own two feet of what I was really anxious
about back then worried about was was my ability to coach and help people.
I've made a decision this is something that I really want to do even if I don't go on to do this professionally
or teach the staff or anything like it doesn't matter.
I just want to learn how to better understand myself and ultimately better relate to the people for
the purposes of making a positive difference.
I was just where I was at No I was studying the social sciences at the time I was studying psychology
as I was studying counselling part time in the background and I would go away for weeks here studying
neuron wasted programming and cognitive behavioral therapy and I was studying mindfulness and I wanted
to get such a holistic balanced understanding of how to live life so that I could best relate to other
people regardless of what I went on through back then and I was living at a place called Dunfermline
in Scotland at the time and I could remember a time I'd walk through the main times centre.
There was there was a guy that would stand there outside the local chemist shop shop and the guy's name
was Cress.
Back then he would stand there with the big issue though in the UK the big issue is like a magazine
that people who are unemployed can go they can buy this magazine stand on the streets and become vendors
gives them an opportunity to to make a little bit money for themselves.
So this is a good project.
Any time I saw Cress I would always just buy a big issue from him and he was a bit of a rascal All right.
He would always have this kind of cheeky wet about him which is real sarcastic Scottish humour which
many people in the world wouldn't appreciate but I always did due him my military background.
But anyway.
I was aware that Chris had some underlying issues going on because any time I would see him he had the
bangs under his eyes his face to be blotchy sometimes you would be sweating even on a really cold day
which in Scotland means that the guy who was most likely struggling with some form of addiction.
As things transpired I found out Chris would struggle with his heroin addiction and he was sometimes
subsidising that with methadone that he would get prescribed from his chemist and then he would drink
as well.
And Chris is really in this place of addiction and his life was kind of quite chaotic and I had a few
conversations with him just just in passing every now and again until one day I'd really engage in a
conversation with him and I said So you know I'm gonna go in for lunch.
How would you fancy joining me will go for a conversation.
I'm studying psychology and life coaching and all this kind of stuff.
Who knows I might be able to help you.
And Chris just snapped it up.
I'm not sure if he was bothered too much about the help.
I think they're free lunch possibly appeal just a little bit more but and we ended up developing a bit
of a relationship.
It was quite a dysfunctional one to be honest with you.
And as I continue to learn I would read books and I would study I would share what I was learning to
the best of my ability with Chris any really cool techniques or processes I would take.
Chris through not like they ever knew what I was doing back then I was just little clutching at straws.
Chris I've learned a brand new technique.
Let's try this in here.
Sometimes I would even give him money I would buy him food and for what I really struggled with.
If I'm gonna be honest was after round about a year and a half Chris's life hadn't moved forward he
hadn't changed anything.
Nothing had changed.
He would still stand at the same spot.
Day in day out selling his Big Issue magazines with his bottle of cider and his rucksack and say he'd
still be taking his drugs into night time and doing all of his stuff and to be honest with you.
This kind of over time start to impact my confidence as an aspiring coach and until the point I went
I went to Jimmy.
No I hadn't spoken to Jimmy for a few months because I was doing my best to sever this dependency that
I developed on him.
I said Jimmy listen I'm really struggling.
I don't know if this coaching help and people was for me.
I've spent so much time with Chris I have shared with him everything that I'm learning all the processes
all the techniques I even give him money sometimes.
I've had him into my house I've cooked him dinner nothing changes.
I don't know if I'm cut out for this.
I think I'm a failure as a coach.
I think I'm going to go and get back into sales or something like this.
And Jimmy said Kane are you ready to learn the lesson yet and Majok kind of dropped a little bit said
lesson.
There's a lesson here is it's not something you could have shared with me twelve months ago.
And Jimmy said Ken the lesson is this Don't waste your time with a crisis of the world.
Instead invest your time into the kings of the world.
I was like the scales just fell off my eyes and for the first time I could see oh my goodness.
As I looked at Chris no in this light I realized that we actually had nothing in common right.
Since a transformational season only that I went through in my late 20s that I'm going to share with
you in the next couple of sections.
I had this goal.
I just wanted to make a positive difference in the world I wanted to help people whether this be coaching
whether this be counseling whether this be teaching I was open to suggestions.
All right.
But it was also completely committed to the process of growing and changing myself.
All right.
Well my life wasn't where I wanted it to be back then.
I had taken full responsibility for it.
All right all the flaws all the failures the finances for the first time in my life.
Back then Chris hadn't taken responsibility for anything not even himself.
All right.
Some of the conversations I would have with Chris would would end in him saying you know society has
much to answer for.
My parents have much to answer for.
The church has much to answer for.
Education has much to answer for.
And from Chris's perspective it was kind of like everyone else was to blame for you know what else was
the reason why his life had turned out the way that it turned out riddled in a you know manner and Aspire
of drinks and drugs and mass and in chaos and the fact is this that is absolutely pointless us giving
or spending our time with people who are not committed to the process of growing and changing.
And this is why I shared the idea with your way back at the start of the section.
The levels of impact that we want to make because coaching is generally associated with self-help and
self-improvement and all this kind of stuff.
And many people enter the world of self-improvement Self-Help for the purposes of feeling nice feeling
happy.
Well guess what.
Chris would consume drink and drugs and all that kind of stuff to feel happy as well.
And guess where that got him absolutely nowhere.
I'm hoping to make a bit of a point here in helping you to better see that until we commit to the process
of growing.
Guess what.
Nothing is going to change about our lives.
Many people see personal growth especially here in Scotland GUYS GET IN THE GYM build up the biceps
lift them all the way.
It's all that kind of stuff.
Could you imagine if people were to invest as much time into their own personal growth as what they
do into their physical growth.
My goodness would be a would be a global community a very mature and grounded men and women.
But most people don't do this because they don't always know where to start.
It's kind of like many people in life wait for that Guru or for that mistake or for that healer or for
that expert or for that mentor or that coach or that father or mother figure role model leader to come
along and save the day.
It's kind of like many people were waiting for a hero to come into their lives and in their lives they
view themselves as being kind of like a bit of a victim like they've been victimized they've been on
the receiving end of all of these bad guys.
At some point in earlier days.
This is why I just want to bring it back to now a standard for effective of life coaching I've shared
with you the story about Chris.
All right.
This is a true story.
And I want to share with you a practical guide on how not to waste your time and because to me years
to learn this and I really only learned it once it had been literally pretty much swept within my face.
Unless your client is open to hearing new ideas and are ready to change you're wasting your time with
them.
All right.
Now there was a gentleman named Albert tell us that he was one of the founding fathers of rational emotive
behavioral therapy back in the.
I think it was the 50s or the 60s.
And I was watching one of his training DVD and managed to get my hands on a couple of years ago and
he came out with one of the most unusual sayings.
He said you know most coaches and therapists and helping practitioners are a bunch of are slackers.
No.
When he said that this is quite an R centric American kind of guy and I thought was a bit of an unusual
thing to say but then he went on to explain that most coaches and helpers and therapists aren't actually
committed to the process off and helping their clients to grow and take greater responsibility for themselves.
Most therapists and coaches and helpers are only more interested in just having their diaries fill to
make a little bit of money so it pays for them to keep their clients happy and just help them to feel
nice.
Most people will be happy to pay money for anything that helps them to feel nice but feeling nice isn't
growing feeling nice isn't maturing feeling nice as in becoming more responsible feeling nice isn't
becoming more decisive becoming stronger in character or more consistent as a man or a woman feeling
nice comes feelings go.
Feelings are pretty much completely irrelevant when it comes to personal growth.
So unless our clients are first and foremost open to hearing new ideas or perspectives that contradict
their own then they're not going to change anyway.
So what I'm gonna suggest is that if we're looking for people to invest into us as life coaches we've
got to be looking for people who are open and ready to change.
Be is your client receptive.
Are those people that you invest your time into receptive and actually catch in what you're cookin Putin
on what you're given to them.
No.
Think back to the story of cress I had shared with Chris everything that I was learning as I was learning
it.
And he would agree and he would not as head and I believe Chris was open but he wasn't receptive.
He wasn't willing to apply that which he was learning I was hence a reason in courses such as this.
You're going to hear me telling a lot of stories I'm not telling you stories just because I like the
sound of my own voice even though I do I find myself quite entertaining sometimes but that's not the
purpose of this.
All right I tell your stories because I'm sharing of my personal experiences so that I'm not just here
to fill your head full of information and knowledge that's going to be irrelevant.
I want to help you to understand the principles that I'm teaching you so you can go over there and start
making a positive impact in the lives of other people that is Michael for you.
So the question is how receptive are you because the world of academia the totally open to hearing new
ideas that totally open to reading and discovering and learning all about new information and new theories
and you practice is a new technique so I kind of stuff.
But until we are receptive enough to apply them in the context of our own lives we may be growing in
knowledge but we will not be growing in insight and understanding.
And it's this that grows us in life.
I don't know if he's ever heard the saying you know growing up in life and has got or maturing and life
has got nothing to do with age but it has everything to do with acceptance of responsibility though.
You know I've worked with people in their late 50s 60s who should be mature but yet not right.
I've literally worked with young people 16 17 18 who have conducted encouraged themselves and far more
mature ways than people in their 50s and even their 60s.
What I'm saying is age is irrelevant in light of maturity.
People only mature in life as they assume more responsibility for themselves.
All right.
And one of the many influential factors that set plays a part in this is how receptive we are to apply
but which we are learning.
Are we really open to evaluating and critiquing ourselves and looking for our flaws imperfections or
are we still waiting for someone to come along and fix us our healers or you know be our leader or be
our hero is our level of receptiveness in life that determines how much we grow and what's true for
us is also going to be true for our clients.
So how this is gonna look in a practical sense is if you've got a client coming back week after week
after week after week but yet nothing's changed and you've got to ask the question.
Yeah might be open to hearing what you're talking about but what's their goal here.
Do they just want to feel nice.
Do they just want you to help them feel nice.
Or are they actually coming to you for the purpose of growing and maturing and tangibly making progress
in the context of whatever area and their life.
Because here's a thing.
If you don't actually enable or assist a client through the process of moving forward and making progress
and actually accomplishing accomplishing something then what credibility is going to give you.
And I guess what happens at some point in the future when they discover that life is actually more about
growth and progress and what it is about feeling happy they're going to say I work with this life coach
right.
Back then I invested all of this money and for that I do nothing.
This person is absolutely useless.
So by us raising our standards and who were willing to work with it actually minimizes the risk or the
chance of us you know getting kind of better by vipers at some point in the future.
So thirdly last but not least this is what I'm looking out for all the time.
I will not give my time to anyone who does not shift my time.
Here's a thing in the early stages of a relationship.
Many people will make out that they appreciate what they are getting from us.
They will make out they appreciate our time our efforts our investment all.
So I think until they've taken for granted until they're used to it.
All right.
Because once a person has become used to us giving them supporting them guiding them being generous
with them giving them whatever.
All right.
The switch was sometimes happens overnight moves from being appreciative to being an entitlement.
All right.
Have you ever had anyone in your life who genuinely feels that they are entitled to something from you.
These people were not particularly enjoyable to interact with and especially work within a coaching
context.
So the question you want to be looking at is this is your client appreciative of your time energy insights
and efforts.
And as long as you are actually paying attention.
Listening and hearing the responses they are giving you.
You are gonna be able to see and tell the seconds that they've stopped appreciating your investment
because that's the day you need to terminate and end the relationship here with me now there's gonna
be a lot we've got to cover between obviously starting and terminating our relationship but I wanted
to share this with you right at the start the course because we're still very much in the laying the
foundations stage.
The principle is this my friend.
Invest yourself into the use of the world.
Those who are ready to grow.
Why.
Because as long as you do this.
If you invest your time into the use of the world they are gonna be open.
They're going to be receptive.
They're gonna be appreciative of good things in the same way that you are so working with the people
who are like you on this level and ready to grow and ready to learn.
They will be a pleasure to work with.
You're going to see them take action steps make progress get results and then you get to experience
the fulfillment that comes as a result of those things.
If we're not helping people to move forward and actually achieve their goals and get those results that
they want to get we're never going to experience that fulfillment anyway.
Which means.
Which makes everything that we do as a life coach pretty meaningless anyway.
You with me.
Cool.
Other than that.
Boom.
Just the second fist pump on the off.
Of course.
So that's all right.
Just take a little bit of time consider these ideas and consider the kind of people that you would be
inclined to spend your time with.
And you have then.
Up until.
Look at the relationships aren't working so well for you.
And ask yourself the questions honestly.
Those people.
Are they open.
Are they receptive and are they appreciative of your time.
If you're saying yes yes yes to all three that's fantastic.
If you're saying yes no yes yes no no no no no.
Stop wasting your time.
This person isn't ready for you.
So I'll thrown these ideas interesting and I'll see you again in the next clip.